I am a blessed man. As my family grows, I see more and more how graciously God navigates and guides us through seasons. Through each transition I am more overwhelmed and thankful for His generosity to me. First, God entrusted me with the most beautiful woman and Godly wife that I could ever hope to be partnered with. Then, two years later our lives were rocked with the addition of little Gabriella. As we prepared to ease ourselves into the terrible two's our lives were rocked yet again with the anticipation of another little one! Just when we thought we were gaining some traction and perceived "control" over our lives, God gently reminded us again that He is in control and has incredible things in mind.
Palmer Charles was born a week before his due date early on a Saturday morning on March 31. What an indescribable experience to go through with my Jenna. After nine months of restless sleep and lots of back-rubs the day came when we miraculously witnessed the split second moment of a person joining us in the world. It truly is indescribable, the formation of a beating heart inside the womb, then the few flutters of movement which gradually turn into visible kicks: undeniable evidence of life that only our Creator can give.
God wasn't lying when he said there would be pain in childbirth. I praise God numerous times everyday that I am not a woman and childbirth is a perfect example of this! It's so humbling watching Jenna willingly experience the pain of childbirth for the health and good of our baby. Jenna sweetly says that there is now way she could go through childbirth without me, but really all I do time contractions, hold her, breathe with her and whisper encouragement into her ear. Inside I'm gritting my teeth and wondering how much more of this I can handle before I yell, "Give my son the juice!"
The most humbling moment came after Jenna had been in intense active labor for several hours and had transitioned into the large jetted tub at the birthing center. The warm water worked like magic and allowed her a few seconds of relief between contractions. I knelt by her side holding a wet cloth on her head and letting her squeeze my hand. I timed contractions and constantly told her how proud of her I felt. As the contractions came on so quickly it was easy for both of us to feel out of control which is the toughest part of natural childbirth: purposefully losing control and letting the mother's body do what it was created to do!
As the contractions came on strongly and quickly Jenna felt overcome by them and even our Lamaze breathing began to lose it's effectiveness. In Jenna's worst moment of feeling completely out of control she simply cried out in prayer, "Lord help me, I can't do this on my own!"
Do you know how badly I want to be the one who cares for my wife and assures her that no matter what she can rely on me and I can carry her burdens? I wish I could describe how humbling it was to watch my wife intentionally experience pain and as it became harder than she could take her true colors showed and she went to her Rock. I hope that in my worst moment that I would turn to my Creator. Jenna taught me an invaluable lesson in this moment: in our hardest trials, cry out the Lord. Our suffering may not even be for our benefit (although in God's sovereignty we know that all things are). He might be doing a work in us for everyone else to witness. We don't know if our midwives were believers but they stood back and watched us labor together, and saw Jenna turn unashamedly turn to her God. I know they saw something different in my wife.
Although those intense minutes seemed like hours they ended just like that. Jenna told the midwife she felt like she needed to push and in a few short minutes we heard a baby cry and Palmer was placed on Jenna's chest. We both cried.
After the cord stopped pulsing giving little Palmer the last of his needed blood supply from Jenna, I told the midwife that I'm not the guy who needed to cut the cord, there are medical professionals for that. She laughed and generously stood in the gap for me.
The next few hours were perfect, we held our baby (Jenna) and slept (me), and our midwife bustled around our room cleaning up, taking temperatures and vitals from both mom and baby and let us rest. Within a few hours Jenna's strength had returned and after a quick picture with our midwife were on our way home.
Before:
After:
Although Pro-Life isn't an intentional theme of this blog, it's the most obvious message that Palmer's beating little heart shouts more loudly than I can. Palmer was a person from the moment he was conceived. God saw his unformed body. (Psalm 139). He will be inconvenient, expensive, and cause all kinds of trouble but He is made in the image of God and it's my privilege and honor to be called his dad and introduce him to his Heavenly Father. It's not our decision to avoid the 9 month pregnancy that his little life required, or to decide whether or not that little fertilized egg should have a chance, or a matter of women's rights. It's about a little person that God chose to breathe life into. It is worth it, all of it. I'm so glad my parents thought the same way about me.
Thank you God for Palmer Charles.
