In 2001 I was a freshman in high school. As a homeschooler I had time, encouragement and resources to focus on my two childhood passions: my horses and what my parents were more passionate about, my music. After my first "gig" as a background pianist at the five-star resort at the Broadmoor in Colorado Springs and the concierge manager sent me a check for $250, music became my passion too and as a young high school student found my self playing regularly in churches and venues across our city often filling in for the church pianists who were on vacation or sick.
It was on one such Sunday morning in May that I was playing piano at a small Presbyterian Church on the outskirts of Colorado Springs that I saw her. The entire front of the church sanctuary was windows which faced the front range of the Rocky Mountains that let the sunshine flood the room with warm, bright, Colorado sunshine. She was hard to miss; slender, the brightest, blondest hair I had ever seen that reflected all the light that poured through the windows. She was wearing a white cardigan over a green sun dress. I thought she might be my age and from my vantage point at the piano I could see her sitting with what I guessed was her mom and sisters and I spent more time watching her than I did listening to the sermon and focusing on my job...playing the piano. (This is why you don't hire fifteen year-old piano players.)
Needless to say, I hoped for a chance to walk past her after church and maybe see if she'd smile at me which unfortunately didn't happen. Disappointed, I drove away from church with my family to a high school graduation reception with friends from the church and it was there that I saw her again. She sat quietly in a corner of the living room next to her sisters. Lunch had been served buffet style, then dessert, before I finally got up the nerve. As a home schooler I needed to take advantage of these opportunities which rarely came along and I wasn't going to miss this one.
I made my move by abruptly sitting down next to her and saying, "Hi my name is Collin."
"Hi." she said. That was it. Nothing more. She was either oblivious to my sheer terror, or was enjoying her perfected torture techniques and knew that the longer she waited, the more I would wallow and completely derail and she wanted a good show this time.
"...so what's your name?" I inquired. This was typical introduction etiquette, and she wasn't helping me out. I was beginning to question that this was a good idea.
"Jenna." Which was not followed with a, "and what's your name?" I was freaking out.
For the next half hour I sat there and bravely battled on, asking question after question which rendered simple, one or two word answers. I found out that she played violin, had two sisters, (which I already knew but couldn't think of a better question in that moment), had two cats, one dog and wanted a Mazda Miatta for her first car. Pretty good recon, I thought. I found out what I needed and concluded that she was perfect for me. (This is why it's a bad idea for 15 year-olds to date which we were definitely not allowed. Good job Mom and Dad).
I didn't see her until about a year later at the same friends annual fall barn dance. As we drove in from a distance I noticed her almost immediately. She was standing in a field of tall, dry grass and her bright blonde hair was reflecting the setting sun. That night I found myself conveniently close to her whenever the caller said, "grab your partner!" I danced with her all night and even though I got in trouble on the way home I even got her email address. It was so worth it.
Slowly but surely our family friends became the same family friends and I found myself playing more frequently at her church. Whether this was fate or initiative on my part I will always wonder, however God had a plan and I found myself falling more and more in love with this pretty girl. High school thankfully didn't last forever however we thought life would have been perfect if it never did. My parents highly encouraged me to take my music scholarship at Belmont University in Nashville, TN and my friends placed bets on how long we'd stay together once I moved away.
From August to November we wrote letters and got in trouble for wracking up high cell phone bills that made our parents question my devotion and investment to my studies. I made the deans list from then on to ensure we could continue our phone conversations. After returning home for Thanksgiving that first year we kissed for the first time.
I began to grow up in Nashville and my roots began to deepen. My high school sweet heart visited as often as she could, but as the years went by it became more obvious that we were both changing. I had started a band and life was different. My circle of friends was changing, my career was developing. I was traveling a lot, growing a ton. During our visits we still were able to adjust to being together, which sometimes took a few days. We saw long distance relationships end frequently which made us question ours. It was hard. My new friends were advising us to break up. They had no idea what they were talking about.
I sold my truck after my 21st birthday and with the cash I bought a ring. I'd waited for years to have a lump of cash big enough to afford a diamond and I set out to buy just that. I was determined to be taken seriously and make man decisions. I was tired of being told that we weren't going to last and that we weren't right for each other. Hadn't we proven that over the past six years already? I was convinced that if I loved hard enough, called often enough, wrote sweet enough love letters that nothing could separate us.
Like many things in my life I have to learn the best when I experience it, even when it's the hard way. Jenna and I began to fight more, and connect less. Even though I had a ring in the top drawer of my dresser I knew I couldn't ask her to marry me. We weren't doing well. We began to talk about ending years of investment and relationship. It really wasn't complicated, I was extremely selfish and wanted to push my agenda on God and it wasn't in God's timing. God was teaching me that life must happen in His timing. It's not about my timing. I began to see that even though my desire to fight for Jenna and provide for her and marry her were good, they weren't in God's timing and I wasn't loving her by listening to God first. I did one of the hardest things I've ever done...I took the ring back.
Giving up years of hopes and dreams is one of the hardest parts of life in my opinion but God was showing me that it has to be in His timing. Jenna was my best friend. We really loved each other, but God was teaching me how to love her and that life happens in His timing. During on of our visits together, this time in our home in the Colorado mountains, we sat on a rock outcropping overlooking Pikes Peak with the gold mine of Cripple Creek cresting the mountains way in the distance we prayed. We both gave our relationship to God. That was the first time we'd ever done that. In that moment we stopped trying so hard to push our agenda and force the pieces to work. I know this makes sense to you. We surrendered. We both said to each other that if we were never married than it would be okay. It was sad and we grieved.
Life returned to normal when I flew back to Nashville several days later. We didn't know what was next but we were okay with that. We were waiting for God to move us toward each other even though we didn't really know what that was supposed to look like. To be honest with you I'm still not entirely sure how it happened. It just did. God used our parents again, even though we were growing adults. My parents began to soften at the conversations about Jenna, they began to affirm us as a couple, her parents began to talk more about our future together and we hadn't initiated any of it. I'm not sure why God chose to work this way but He did. This time we were listening.
I spent a long time this time finding the perfect ring. I wasn't going to buy a ring that just anybody could buy, so I went to a jeweler in Manitou Springs, CO who designed custom jewelry and asked him for a ring that had vines engraved into the band. Our relationship had been a living example of John 15 asking the Lord to take the branches that weren't bearing fruit and I wanted the symbol of our marriage (our rings) to be a symbol of that lesson. I proposed to her on the same place that we had given our relationship to the Lord and she responded with, "YES, YES YES!! Of course yes!!" We both cried.
The battles weren't over. It took many months to agree on a wedding date that worked for the world, and we finally settled on February 9th. Tomorrow will be five years from the day that I got to say, "I do. Those words were some of the most satisfactory and pleasing words I've ever spoken. Tomorrow I will say with joy and thankfulness and sobriety that God is faithful. What He starts He will complete. There is no way we can imagine what the process will be like. Sometimes if we knew what it entailed we would say no. We wouldn't go. Marriage has brought grownup decisions. Kids. Mortgages. Complications. Things that I had no idea would be hard. But.
Please don't read over that last word.
But. God is incredible. The payoff is incredible. Is marriage hard? Duh. Look at half of your friends and parents who aren't married anymore. Apart from God this wouldn't work. God taught me that He needed to give me Jenna and guess what? She's still His. I'm just the lucky guy that gets to do life with her. Who gets to stay up late at night rocking fussy babies and changing nasty diapers. I'm the guy that gets to rub her back and encourage her when she's exhausted and can't keep her eyes open. I'm the guy who gets to touch her gorgeous blonde hair and feel her arms wrap around my neck. I'm the guy, the only guy who gets to say "I love you." (I have many guns...) I'm the guy who will grow old with her. I'm the guy who will actively and tenderly stand up for her and lead her even when she doesn't want to be lead, I will love her when she feels unloveable. I'm the guy who gets to give her presents and flowers. I will do this to the best of my ability. I love everything about this woman. The vows that I said five years ago are more true today than they were that incredible day.
My wife deserves a better written blog post than this, but I want the world to know how I feel about this woman and what God has done in our lives.
I love you Jenna Christine.
